Too Damned Tired

Visited Londinium this day.  Museum of London and Natural History Museum.  Sad to report many non-English speakers also seem to be aerosol allergic or at least deodorant resistant.  It was tres funky.

It was a warm day in old London town.  I noticed a dishwater blonde, wearing black satin shorts and glossy tights with a small heel wandering around the Minerals.  Completely inappropriate for a days hike around South Ken.  I felt a tinge of embarrassment, 'Oh we English.  How standards have slipped'.

'It's OK' Mrs NoozeHound reported, 'I heard them speaking French.'

Some American guests, audibly slated the Natural History Museum.  One youngster telling his Father discretely (at the top of his voice) how they may as well shut down half of the geology section as there was 'basically nothing here'.  Disneyland mentality Mrs NoozeHound called it.

So, for hygiene and manners, all in all, we English came out of today rather well.

Just re-watched my first two niche (rhymes with ditch) videos.  Then the third arrived.  Yet to watch.  Too damned tired

Still no comments.

Welcome to the disappointment.

Shameless Social Meeja Whoore

Have you no shame NoozeHound?  None, it would seem...

Welcome to the disappointment.

Blogging for Profit

The blog education has continued today.  You know those hidden camera shows - Candid Camera was probably the original scenario that has been copied ad nausea.  Anyway, I'm sure you must have seen some local variation, they were what TV did for cheap programmes before they discovered Big Brother, Jungles or Dancing.  You know that look of, well, embarrassment, shame, humiliation, recognition and resignation?  Where the 'mark' is shown how they've been conned and it dawns on them what a fool they've been.  

May I present, for your amusement and entertainment... NoozHound - MUG.

As mentioned I have signed up for blogging tutorials.  I'm up to part three or so.  These guys must be having a field day.  Using one of the techniques from their top secret, never before revealed methods, the terms 'work from home', 'internet business' 'work at home' and the like are in the millions of searches per month.  No doubt if you keep watching the mandatory 'free video tutorial' and then purchase the intensive course at the end, you will direct all of that traffic to your blog where you can sell your e-book.

If my intuition is working right, the trick is to get someone else to write the e-book for you for free.  Set up some auto-responders that mail out the taster course after the mug has been snared at the sign-up, then lead them by the nose to conversion.  Access to all of this for just ONE DOLLAR!

Even poor Joe Schmo, down on his luck, can afford one lousy dollar - and he can earn between $500 and $1500 a month for this tiny outlay.

Of course the first plans I download are free, filled with instructions to buy books and visit this and that link.  Surrounded by instruction about affiliate marketing and reciprocal linking with like-minded bloggers.

Dutifully I have been signing up to forums, searching out my niches (I do find it constantly amusing that someone marketing a concept of niche marketing is unable to pronounce the word) planning my pillars.

That was about the point that I started to feel dirty.  Dumb and dirty.

I had become the very commodity I was having described to me.  I was moving toward the point where I would sign up and pay my dollar - it's only a dollar - to gain access to all of this wisdom.

Self-populating, high-volume sticky traffic queueing up for membership.  I feel so fucking stupid.

If you read my Twitter line it says 'Internet marketers need not apply'.  I am fast becoming that which I loathe.  I should be promoting this very same blog through my twitter stream.

People desperate to get out from under will be following these courses, eager to make $1,000 per week on each blog!  Details of my e-book will be available soon.

Welcome to the disappointment.

The Program Continues...

Learning more about blogging.  Saw Ice Age 3D today - great!  Missing Supernatural.

Welcome to the disappointment.

Weakness, Mammon, Vanity & Vacillation

You probably won't remember this (in fact it's an absolute certainty you won't on account of how you weren't here when I said it) but when I started Unfinished... I was quite blase' regarding not counting my followers.  There was no point in attempting to monetise my blog, nor would I invite comments because there would be no-one here to comment.

A few days ago I posted and after checking it, at some ungodly hour of the day, I got an exit prompt to monetise my blog.  Weakened, tired and skint I clicked the link.  Hey presto, I complete the form and get the adds the next time I look.

Away from NoozeHound I'm reading about blogging and how people are making X-numbers at it.  I start to read, but as mentioned below, avoid parting with the cash to 'make big money'.  Desperation creeping up again.

Next up, another exit ad from Blogger; this time the followers gadget.  So, weak, vacuous NoozeHound adds the followers gadget.  Well, after two days of 'You have Zero Followers - Be the First!' I outed it.  My vanity was sufficiently bruised.  Or so one would have thought.

Not the NoozeHound apparently.  Yep, wipe away the evidence of zero followers.  I've read today how important to blogging the interchange of opinions is.  How comments are like gold.

Zero followers - that's no good, get rid.

Heeyauk heeyuk. Hey! I know!  Comments.

You have zero comments.  Be the first!

Welcome to the disappointment.

Harry Potter & The Half-Arsed Film

As mentioned in my previous post we went to the flicks last night.  (What a quaint old fashioned term). We'd seen the trailers and additionally I'd heard somewhere something to the effect of 'what they did to London', alluding, in my mind, to some fantastic special effects.

Visually it was up to scratch and the score worked well. Time -honoured SPOILER ALERT.

My voice can be heard amongst those that bemoan the formulaic nature of so much of what comes out of Hollywood.  In fairness I think I must have not only become accustomed, but to a point dependant, on that formula.  We've all seen the sites that point out how all the films (Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter) are all the same story, but that just wasn't the case with Half-Blood.

The shiny robots and Megan Fox breast shots that passed for Transformers 2 may have been (fun) crap but at least it had a climactic fight-out.  That, discussing it afterwards, seems to have been the problem for both of us.  The 'attack of the gollums ' as we dubbed it, was so easily dispatched that it didn't really qualify as a battle.  When the moment the film had been building to finally happened, I was asked if I felt anything.  I said then and I still believe it was something of a damp squib. 

I dare say that fans will disagree and J.K could care less what I think, but, well...

...welcome to the disappointment.

Blogging means total freedom...

Does it fuck!  It's half past bloody two again and I'm throwing together a blog post.  After my hand-showing of yesterday, I find myself going out for dinner and a movie this evening and then Mrs NoozHound deciding she'd sit up and watch TV with me - her choice of viewing - not my idea of Saturday night telly.  We have a few drinks, she goes to sleep.  Guaranteed, I touch the remote she wakes up. Ditto turn on the PC - 'the buzzing will disturb me...'

She's just gone to bed after snoring through two programs then insisting on hanging around guessing at night-line or whatever it's called - movies beginning with 'R'.

We went to Harry Potter - more on that tomorrow.  Suffice to say...

Welcome to the disappointment.

Pro-Am Blogging, $$$ and just send $9.95 to THEM

Twitter cleared away a host of (obvious) spammers today.  Within an hour they were creeping back and I was receiving offers of photos from new account ladies.  It seemed to coincide with a major push for blogger converters looking for sign-ups asking for no money, demonstrating their earnings on video and offering me, (yes me) the chance to join them and earn a four-figure income monthly using their plan.  And they didn't want any money - just send a tenner to these guys, followed by another forty-quid in a fortnight - for the value of the kit.  I might have the total wrong, it may have been £40 total not $50 - either way, can you imagine what the 'kit' you would receive would be - my guess an e-book, followed by another e-book with the extra-special ingredient.  No, it's not a pyramid scheme, make the claims, no not a pyramid just get as many mugs as you can to sign up for accounts, earn a few bucks of each and watch the total mount up.

So that was how the day started.  Stink to high-heaven as it did, it whet my appetite.  I trawled Google looking for the (non-subscription) skinny on making money from blogging.  It may surprise you that there is lots of information concerning monetising blogs to generate income.  I think the most odious concept I encountered was passive income, if I recall correctly.  This, the authors boast, is the easy money.  Set up a blog and let volunteers do the posts while you take the revenue.

Now call me old fashioned but...  Elsewhere there are instructions on writing reviews for webs and earning piece-rate for them.  Surely if the mugs could turn a crust writing reviews they'd be better off doing that than lining my pockets?  Not according to the MILLIONAIRE BLOGGER.

Undeterred by this abhorrent moral effrontery, I downloaded several e-books with step-by-step plans, milestones and 'killer' extra content.  I even started reading it; I'll no doubt go back and read some more.

- Oh I just remembered.  Early doors, 'Freaky Friday' or some such Twitter fad led me, indirectly to some advice on doing my profile right.  I think, if it had been marked, I would have hit a duck.

I feel I should add some back story at this point.  I am currently enjoying 'a sweat-free life-style while searching for new challenges'.  This sweat-free life-style has gone on rather too long for my liking - and like untold other fools, I have considered, on the back of these 'earn $500 to $5000 a month - but don't stop there', trying to make a living from blogging.  Precisely.  The idea is frankly ludicrous, but, I'm cash poor (asset poor too, but it sounds more intriguing than plain skint) and netting £4K a month would keep the mortgage, the credit card company and the missus off of my back - if it had to.

So, on account of the fact that I'm back-tracking and delivered the gist of the content already, I'll try and wrap up - it is a blog post not an attempt at War and Peace Houndsy old boy.

My profile is wrong apparently.  My blog should be self-hosted and done using Word-Press.  I should monetise it to the hilt using the best programs and utilise all my other social media to power-feed traffic through my monetised blog using Twitter and Stumble-Upon and even Reddit and Digg front-pages.   Oh yes, and I should blog my passion; feed off of the comments; know my traffic.

If I may just encapsulate the bulk of the combined research of the day, MY BLOG IS IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME WRITTEN IN THE WRONG WAY ABOUT THE WRONG SUBJECTS.

Fuck you professional bloggers.  Fuck you.

I've missed something out but I'm too tired (after last-night) and I need a wee, to remember what the hell it was.

On a brighter note, I picked up 18 x 330 Kronkie 1664, earlier, for just £7.  Bargain.  Drink promotion legislation can fuck right off.  It ain't the kids taking up the supermarket deals and binge drinking.  Restaurants are fucking us all buying every case they can the minute they hit the shelves then selling back at £14 - £22 for the wine and Barbie boys (and gels) are buying up the cases of lager.  I was just glad it was cheap - out of work and out of beer?  No thanks.

On a less bright note, there's only eight left and I'm only marginally squiffy.

Music played feed is right back where it belongs - IN YOUR FACE!

Welcome to the disappointment.

I had to edit - I remembered.  I'm getting cheerfully caned on cheap beer on a Friday night.  Meanwhile an unfortunate lady will be getting very differently caned for similar reasons.  This is wrong too.

Hidden Language of the Web?

Remember I said I spent a large part of yesterday murdering XHTML & CSS standards?  Today I stumbled upon an amalgam of CSS tutorials.  Slightly coincidental I think.

Checked my Wednesday lottery numbers - not a sniff.  Tesco extra on a Tuesday is clearly not a fortuitous place from whence to purchase a lucky dip.  Though having examined the lucky dips I get I must say the Lotto lucky dip generator is piss-poor as it seems to mostly numbers from the preceding line.

My Twitterfeed went invisible, my Twitter/Last.FM Love switched off and I had turned scrobbling off to check the same album for the highest bit rate version and forgot to turn it on again.  In essence, self-imposed radio silence.  Damned fool.

Watched Tim Minchin live - on telly.  Very clever and I hadn't realised what a hot pianist he was.  Brilliant couple of hours.

I am so tired - 02:33.  This is silly.

Welcome to the disappointment.

It's The End of the World As We Know It

My travels today have been positively apocalyptic:

I saw the photos (once again) of the rubbish strewn rivers (planet's fucked guys) in India and The Phillipines; I had the (presumably now outdated) exponential times video - from which I took an underlying 'the singularity approaches' vibe.  I've just finished Promethea Book Two - Alan Moore suggests 2017.  We'll see.

Stumbling on, Impact event was the order of the day.  We all get proper fucked by a big rock burning 10 km of the surface of the planet off.  How it's happened half a dozen times before and realistically it's only a matter of time...  Nice graphics and sound track though - bit like watching a nicely choreographed and scored genocide, but there you go.  This was coincidental, because I had only purchased Dark Side of the Moon, the previous night after discovering it was a missing part of my collection.  I explored more monetising options at my music site.

Vanity and desperation are a dangerous combination.  The vanity of having readers or needing readers and having to drum them up to click on the links and generate the pennies.  250 followers for free.

I stumble on.  The Singularity.  The galaxy is going to get right royally assimilated by Andromeda - we'll be sucked in or span-off.  Not for 10 billion years or so though.  And, incidentally, Black Holes are both common throughout the universe and sort of, in a round about way, necessary flaws for the creation of galaxies.  A bit like necessary evils, an Unfinished, Discoloured or Other Fault in the essence of the universe.

[I thank you. Ahem]

My Twitter stream should be showing R.E.M. - End of the World and Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon (tracks).  Edward Woodward is The (soon to be departed) Fool.

Away from all this I've been slaughtering CSS and XHTML standards to dire effect all day only to find I've forgotten my password.

Welcome to the disappointment.

Refurb Wars - Happy Shiny People

You know how it works.  You see the place, you decide that you like it.  You put a deposit down and move in.  Once in you get your stuff and arrange it the way you think it works.  First chance you get you move everything around and freshen up the paint/paper/carpet as budget allows.

Well, it started last night and continued this evening.  The search for a more reflective blogger template. As the title of this blog suggests a degree of tardiness by design, I wanted a look that would go some way to reflecting the underlying sentiments.

I hit on the word 'URBAN'.  I say 'hit', 'ended up with' would be a more honest re-telling.

'Grunge' in a web design seems to  mean, 'brown with irregular cherry/burgundy'.  'Shabby', 'tardy' and 'tatty' do not exist as tags or labels or titles.  The angst-ridden artist, does not appear to be a template designer.  So I had another think.

'Dark' - chocolate-flavoured black lace.  Gothic lingerie, perhaps.

'Urban' - Slate grey. Cool city chic or jive funky.

'Urban dereliction' , 'Urban decay', 'Urban destruction' - Barry McGuire.  Seriously.  Great song, rubbish template.  (Free) Template writers seem to be either on commission or Prozac, or both.

So, 30 pages into the catalogue, I decided on what you see before you.  Best I could do to reflect reject status.  Not exactly what I wanted; I would have settled for the slate grey if it had conveyed dirty (not in a Christina Aguilera/ODB way) edges - not 'dark jazz cool'.

3 Column template.  Now I discover 2 into 3 doesn't quite go.  Sorry for the atrociously balanced page formatting.  Three columns don't seem to work for me.  Nor for that matter does the fucking Digg widget.  Four times I went to the site, set the parameters and took the code.  Embedded it and refreshed - still looks shite.  Change the box to not show diggs.  Embed code - diggs on display; hanging awkwardly.  Bunch of bollocks I say.

So, what have I learned?  Everyone wants to sell you something.   Promote me!  Digg me!  Buy my e-book!  Sell from your tweets!  Monetise your blog!  The templates all look like they're designed for someone to write something clever then sell something to someone else.

I 'm not looking for a higher purpose, but draw breath and stop trying to make a buck for a minute huh?

Welcome to the disappointment.

Yesterday's Man

Today I trawled further down popurls seeking news and inspiration.  Way down into the dark and dank reaches.  What I read there chilled me to the marrow.  Well, when I say marrow, perhaps more...

No, there was no shivering. More a tantrum-prone delinquent, twisting his soldiers awkwardly and proclaiming "Bloody Hell!" to the world.  What I read was of a blogger who was moving to Friendster, because his audience was bigger on Facebook than it was on his vanity domain blog.

So, what is essentially a slow news day, became a bad news days for me.  NoozeHound meets the bad news bear.  Blogging is finished.  Over.  No-one reads blogs any more, man.

Then it struck me.  I honestly haven't checked to see if anyone has read my blog at all.  Nor do I intend to.  I haven't attempted to monetise it, knowing for sure that this would be a waste of time.  Neither have I promoted it.  Hell, I've not even mentioned it on my Twitter stream.

Don't get me wrong.  Despite my recent Euro lottery win, I could still use some extra income - I found myself drooling over an instant merchandise shop today, to make and put on my blog.  Then I laughed at the vanity of it all.  The untold (and uncounted) readers of my un-monetised and un-promoted blog would go on to purchase how many NoozeHound branded tees and mugs exactly?

If you are reading this you are probably lost with nothing better to do.  We have something in common then.

Welcome to the disappointment.

Random Numbers & Dry Powder

Furthering my desperate search for easy riches, I punted on the Euro lottery, for the first time ever this week.  I used a real random number generator.  I only recently discovered that there was real random and pseudo random.  I had never actually noticed anyone trying to pass-off fake randomness as real, or the opposite for that matter.  But my real random numbers were set to beat the odds. I goofed though.  You see Thursday is the supposedly fortuitous day to purchase a lottery ticket I read somewhere, but I waited until Friday. Real random is the way though - I won the Euro lottery.

My Euro lottery win being such as it is, I will state with immediacy and clarity - I will ignore all begging letters or requests from family, friends, acquaintances or causes, good or otherwise.

However, let it never be said that the NoozeHound is not creature of generosity.  Those in need or who simply feel the urge to make a claim on my fortune, may, if deemed worthy receive a Frogger or Chomp bar.

I am now worth the princely sum of £6 - 2 Matches and 1 Lucky Star.

I've been kicking about a musical diatribe for a few days now, but it will wait.  New, fresh content to come - using glossy flog-speak.  Keep the powder dry lad.

Welcome to the disappointment.

Tesla girls (and boys)

Electric.  I stumbled on this last night; my stumble of the day I decided.  I read the article and I thought to myself, I wonder if they'll do better than Top Gear.

To be honest, crossing the US in a $100K electric car will undoubtedly draw attention from anyone who likes cars, the environment or even both.  I'd like one, I think they're great.  Given the choice of a £90,000 car or a £15,000 petrol-driven car and paying a large chunk of my mortgage, setting up a college fund for junior and having a holiday, guess which I'd choose.

Therein lies the tale.  Admirable as it is to try and cure the biggest consumer in the world of some of its petrol addiction, I think on that route across the country there will be more than a few people who have  lost their jobs, or their house, or both.  People that will be worrying about their financial security in one form or another.  In that sense, proof of concept is great, but I think you would have to be remarkably principled to purchase a Tesla (I'm thinking the $50K Model S here) over a petrol alternative.  I know the long-term fuel savings let alone air pollution - but what about the source - have to be factored in to the TCO.  I still don't see it being more attractive (cost-wise) than a Prius at half the price but twice the convenience.

Nevertheless I wish the trip excellent fortune and Tesla a flurry of orders.

Welcome to the disappointment.

Adults Only XXX

Although the internet is basically for porn, this blog isn't.  Which is not to suggest any judgement.  I enjoy a hi-res image of nubile young thing as much as any other red-blooded 102 year old.

I do however have a tendency to invoke Olde Englishe at times.  It was for this reason that I clicked the adult content or whatever it said button, so that no one gets one of my sweary outbursts when wanting fluffy lambkins.

Now readjust your clothing and be off with you.

Welcome to the disappointment.

Moving-In Day Take II

This has an overwhelming feeling of deja vu, primarily on account of the fact I have just written this, deleted the blog and started again using the right account.

I have loped around the Web 2.0 world for a while now; Digg, Facebook, Last.FM, JamsBio, Twitter. Posting my nothings here and there.  Now I am posting them here.  I had always turned away from blogging., dismissing it as the vanity it is and knowing my lack of commitment would doom it to failure.

I live a most tedious and positively lack-lustre existence and so consequently have nothing of interest to talk about or contribute.  I created (the first, now deleted) blog by accident (if such a thing is possible) reading six sentences.  

With the blog account created it sat there, unused.  Until today, when I was perusing the Radio 2 playlist which I use, amongst others, to aid my music purchases.  I noticed their quilt and took a shine.  Popped along to Last.FM and after some faffing, found it and fiddled with the controls to make my own.  Then it struck me I had nowhere to hang the thing.

Then I noticed the orange b and I clicked to get the code.  The next logical step was to create a blog to house the quilt.  So I used my (personal) gmail account to create it.  Did the settings, scrawled off 'Moving-In Day', published, admired my work and then spent twenty minutes going round and round to try and delete my proper name off of it.

No can-do Google tells me.  Another faff and ten minutes later I've deleted it and started again.

Welcome to the disappointment.