Greetings from a pretty cool land of the NoozeHound.
My age is becoming a minor concern. Not in a grim way, more an acknowledged, with passing regret, the passing of time and it's effects on my body.
A body that, in all fairness, could never be described as lovingly maintained, to continue the vehicular analogy, more regularly well thrashed.
For instance I recently discovered that my thighs are far less supple than I had taken them to be, when trying to have them fold vertically in the footwell of a fairly compact vehicle. The thigh strain that I think I received as a result of said maneouvre lasted several days and, over a week later, I stll notice the latent effects on my right knee and calf.
EMNH continues to yank control and manipulation points to tiring effect, similarly tiring are her demands for funds.
I was also experiencing a discomfort in my right ring finger. A dull ache around the bottom joint. I considered how I have generated an RSI type of injury. Being on vacation, I have not used my PC as much as I would normally. What else could I have done to cause such an injury?
I cast my mind back to last night and smile.
I can now hardly consider it any less than a campaign injury and wear my aching finger with a sense of quiet pleasure, a badge of honour.
Not what one would think to post on FML.
Sadly, I have come to the sad point in my life where I am taking Multi-Vitamins. Worse still I found myself thinking about searching for joint supplements; Cod Liver Oil doesn't appeal and I find my self thinking Garlic Capsules for some reason and the dreadful reek that exuded from the pores of former in-laws.
Welcome to the disappointment.
21 August 2010
25 July 2010
Angels & Demons
Greetings from a decidedly stinky NoozeHound.
I have just completed a little exercise that I now try to include in my day. Less than a few miles but a tiring, hilly lane that someone thoughtfully placed a hostelry at the mid-point. Today, in admittedly short bursts, I jogged. I shit ye not.
An interesting observation was made to me today. Mine enemies enemy is my friend. I was more than a little surprised.
My life is running strange. I have moments of such peace, such exclusivity, it is as if I am taken to a protected oasis of calm where no harm can touch me. Other moments, I have genuine terror and dread of the horrendous dealings that lay ahead of me. My heart falls.
EMNH screamed at me for asking NoozeHoundette if she had met Mummy's new boyfriend yet. Questioning our daughter - guilt?
It later emerged she has already met The Married Man. Don't waste any time EMNH.
I notice that I am 'peacocking'. The process started immediately before I extracted myself from the house of horrors. I have adorned myself. I must say, I considered a tattoo or dying my hair, but my wooden beads are the limit of my 'radical' image change. It is typical divorce behaviour.
I think it may have something to do with trying to show the world you are someone new. Someone different.
I was told, in total sincerity, that I should fear for my safety around EMNH. I foolishly offered to babysit so she could attend her married man's beck and call to a hotel. It was a hellish mistake. I unfortunately broke a vase by accident and made something of a mess. I cleared it up but the damage was done. She twisted the knife several times. She seems to take pleasure in hurting me.
It was explained back to me that she was demonstrating to me she did not care for me. I have in recent times told EMNH I still love her. Perhaps this was my answer.
I got very drunk. It didn't hurt any more. Why does she have such hatred for me? She has what she apparently wanted. Why deliver more pain because she can.
I was also warned not to drink anything other than tea, coffee or water in that house again, for the real fear she may take him back to the house just because she can and it would hurt me. I must be capable of getting out hastily if required. This seems wise counsel.
I speak with friends and even feel happy.
Then the texts start from EMNH. Souring my mood and bringing a darkness over my being.
There is such a huge, destructive war to come. I am not ashamed to admit I fear the future.
Nearly fifteen years of accumulated vitriol and hatred seems destined for my path.
This is how you make me feel now...
Welcome to the disappointment.
I have just completed a little exercise that I now try to include in my day. Less than a few miles but a tiring, hilly lane that someone thoughtfully placed a hostelry at the mid-point. Today, in admittedly short bursts, I jogged. I shit ye not.
An interesting observation was made to me today. Mine enemies enemy is my friend. I was more than a little surprised.
My life is running strange. I have moments of such peace, such exclusivity, it is as if I am taken to a protected oasis of calm where no harm can touch me. Other moments, I have genuine terror and dread of the horrendous dealings that lay ahead of me. My heart falls.
EMNH screamed at me for asking NoozeHoundette if she had met Mummy's new boyfriend yet. Questioning our daughter - guilt?
It later emerged she has already met The Married Man. Don't waste any time EMNH.
I notice that I am 'peacocking'. The process started immediately before I extracted myself from the house of horrors. I have adorned myself. I must say, I considered a tattoo or dying my hair, but my wooden beads are the limit of my 'radical' image change. It is typical divorce behaviour.
I think it may have something to do with trying to show the world you are someone new. Someone different.
I was told, in total sincerity, that I should fear for my safety around EMNH. I foolishly offered to babysit so she could attend her married man's beck and call to a hotel. It was a hellish mistake. I unfortunately broke a vase by accident and made something of a mess. I cleared it up but the damage was done. She twisted the knife several times. She seems to take pleasure in hurting me.
It was explained back to me that she was demonstrating to me she did not care for me. I have in recent times told EMNH I still love her. Perhaps this was my answer.
I got very drunk. It didn't hurt any more. Why does she have such hatred for me? She has what she apparently wanted. Why deliver more pain because she can.
I was also warned not to drink anything other than tea, coffee or water in that house again, for the real fear she may take him back to the house just because she can and it would hurt me. I must be capable of getting out hastily if required. This seems wise counsel.
I speak with friends and even feel happy.
Then the texts start from EMNH. Souring my mood and bringing a darkness over my being.
There is such a huge, destructive war to come. I am not ashamed to admit I fear the future.
Nearly fifteen years of accumulated vitriol and hatred seems destined for my path.
This is how you make me feel now...
Welcome to the disappointment.
20 July 2010
Lost Afternoon
I was just about to take a picture of the mountains on my BlackBerry, I slid it from its pouch, I unlocked it, I went into the phone and turned to see an embankment now blocked the mountains form view.
You find NoozeHound today on a train to Edinburgh. This is more than a little unexpected. The train ride is in fact one small part of a rather largely unexpected afternoon. Not that I didn’t expect an afternoon at all, but I certainly hadn’t imagined it would have unfolded quite like this one.
Sent here on a secret squirrel mission (which makes it sound much grander than I assure you it is) I was up before the sun this morning and by 8:30 was sleeping my way up the country.
Late, I arrived in Edinburgh. Sleazy jet – rush you to get on the plane then when they close the doors and the captain tells us we’re ready just waiting to taxi out, we wait twenty minutes doing nothing for his opportunity to taxi out.
I was not greatly pleased after getting up at 4:30 that the dick driving the plane couldn’t pull out into traffic.
I call my host and he arranges to collect me. Meeting him, he seems a warm, cordial gentleman. He drives me from the airport in his Land Rover . Forty minutes later we arrive at the destination. He gets me tea and introduces me to the key personnel. I get settled in and the second of my hosts arrive. She shows ample cleavage, much to my male pleasure. I look and notice the blouse to be designed such - she does not have an extra button undone.
Not really for my benefit but maybe she thought a bit of cleavage might help. Who knows?
The fact is she had done her job really rather well, which made my job a great deal easier. Not only easier but also much, much quicker. So quick in fact that when I came to a natural break, I soon realised that with the dotting of a few I’s and the crossing of the odd T, I had completed the assigned task.
Our primary host took us for lunch at a farm barn, where I enjoyed a fruit salad and an espresso, which to my amusement was written “expresso”.
The sun was glorious, shining down from a blue cloudy sky. I felt like I had brought it with me – Scotland had not seen sunlight for several days. After I suggested that I had brought the sun with me, assorted suggestions of taking me to the Wallace Monument arose occasionally.
It’s getting over-cast now and cooling a little. As my day is opening out into a wander – with laptop, suited and booted – around Princes Street, that may be a good thing so long as it doesn’t rain.
Now I have had many things suggested to me that I could do in Edinburgh, shopping, museums, castles, art galleries and such and of course the pleasure of a hostelry.
I have to keep my wits about me – laptop, wallet, phone . I can’t get so inebriated that they question letting me on the plane. I have to get to the airport.
Only a few moments ago was the first time I even thought about EMNH. She emailed me yesterday making a request on behalf of NoozeHoundette. I went out of my way to comply.
I’m trying to be good.
The exercise is not getting done though.
Welcome to the disappointment.
SOMETIME LATER….
Greetings from the Unesco City of Literature (apparently). A very sunny Edinburgh, where the streets are paved with solar-powered ladies (and tourists) and hot and bothered NoozeHound.
I attended my first requirement at a Sainsbury’s local. I quickly strolled to No. 37 for a my first pint of the black stuff. On my egress I stopped and asked what I thought was perhaps a local about a bar with wi-fi access. He was Scottish but not from Edinburgh – may as well have been a tourist. He told me I would have to wait to get home to see her. If only he knew.
So I consulted the oracle. I tried Poynt first. Waste of bloody time that was.
Then I opted for Google on my phone browser – brilliant. Only because of our bizarre routing and off-shore proxy whenever I approach Google on a new or unset device – on this case my BB – it decides to return the result in Belgian or Dutch. Yeah, go figure?
So after I managed to change the language to Engels, I was quids in. Bars, Wifi Edinburgh.
It kep trying to tell me I was in Hanover Street New York and couldn’t give me a route from there to 103 George Street. Eventually, eventually, eventually, I managed to persuade G that I was in Hanover St, Lothian and it gave me directions to a cocktail bar with wi-fi and 43 ratings.
Ambling my way there, initially cautious as west is not natural parlance to a NoozeHound without compass, I fortuitously stumbled upon a Witherspoons. RESULT.
Free WI-fi and cheap beer. It is now 15:40. I am half-way down my second Guiness.
Life isn’t really so bad, or so one presently considers.
At the back of my mind a million monkeys are waiting to clamber all over my back. I am full of fears at the moment. Scared this might happen or scared that might happen.
I’m doing one of the sad ex things. I read her stars religiously – well at some time during the day. I try to imagine what affect they have on her. If the choices and decisions relate to her old life or her new life.
Mine are pretty great today, hers, not so much. I don’t want her to have a bad day. Not really. My star sign is supposed to love travel. Plane, taxi, train and possibly bus. It's in the stars.
I owed you a picture. This bloke is sort of infront of me. Why have they got a model of Terry Tibbs in a pub in Edinburgh (I don't think he's supposed to be Terry Tibbs - but he's a shorter but very passable version!)
Talk to me!
Welcome to the disappointment.
You find NoozeHound today on a train to Edinburgh. This is more than a little unexpected. The train ride is in fact one small part of a rather largely unexpected afternoon. Not that I didn’t expect an afternoon at all, but I certainly hadn’t imagined it would have unfolded quite like this one.
Sent here on a secret squirrel mission (which makes it sound much grander than I assure you it is) I was up before the sun this morning and by 8:30 was sleeping my way up the country.
Late, I arrived in Edinburgh. Sleazy jet – rush you to get on the plane then when they close the doors and the captain tells us we’re ready just waiting to taxi out, we wait twenty minutes doing nothing for his opportunity to taxi out.
I was not greatly pleased after getting up at 4:30 that the dick driving the plane couldn’t pull out into traffic.
I call my host and he arranges to collect me. Meeting him, he seems a warm, cordial gentleman. He drives me from the airport in his Land Rover . Forty minutes later we arrive at the destination. He gets me tea and introduces me to the key personnel. I get settled in and the second of my hosts arrive. She shows ample cleavage, much to my male pleasure. I look and notice the blouse to be designed such - she does not have an extra button undone.
Not really for my benefit but maybe she thought a bit of cleavage might help. Who knows?
The fact is she had done her job really rather well, which made my job a great deal easier. Not only easier but also much, much quicker. So quick in fact that when I came to a natural break, I soon realised that with the dotting of a few I’s and the crossing of the odd T, I had completed the assigned task.
Our primary host took us for lunch at a farm barn, where I enjoyed a fruit salad and an espresso, which to my amusement was written “expresso”.
The sun was glorious, shining down from a blue cloudy sky. I felt like I had brought it with me – Scotland had not seen sunlight for several days. After I suggested that I had brought the sun with me, assorted suggestions of taking me to the Wallace Monument arose occasionally.
It’s getting over-cast now and cooling a little. As my day is opening out into a wander – with laptop, suited and booted – around Princes Street, that may be a good thing so long as it doesn’t rain.
Now I have had many things suggested to me that I could do in Edinburgh, shopping, museums, castles, art galleries and such and of course the pleasure of a hostelry.
I have to keep my wits about me – laptop, wallet, phone . I can’t get so inebriated that they question letting me on the plane. I have to get to the airport.
Only a few moments ago was the first time I even thought about EMNH. She emailed me yesterday making a request on behalf of NoozeHoundette. I went out of my way to comply.
I’m trying to be good.
The exercise is not getting done though.
Welcome to the disappointment.
SOMETIME LATER….
Greetings from the Unesco City of Literature (apparently). A very sunny Edinburgh, where the streets are paved with solar-powered ladies (and tourists) and hot and bothered NoozeHound.
I attended my first requirement at a Sainsbury’s local. I quickly strolled to No. 37 for a my first pint of the black stuff. On my egress I stopped and asked what I thought was perhaps a local about a bar with wi-fi access. He was Scottish but not from Edinburgh – may as well have been a tourist. He told me I would have to wait to get home to see her. If only he knew.
So I consulted the oracle. I tried Poynt first. Waste of bloody time that was.
Then I opted for Google on my phone browser – brilliant. Only because of our bizarre routing and off-shore proxy whenever I approach Google on a new or unset device – on this case my BB – it decides to return the result in Belgian or Dutch. Yeah, go figure?
So after I managed to change the language to Engels, I was quids in. Bars, Wifi Edinburgh.
It kep trying to tell me I was in Hanover Street New York and couldn’t give me a route from there to 103 George Street. Eventually, eventually, eventually, I managed to persuade G that I was in Hanover St, Lothian and it gave me directions to a cocktail bar with wi-fi and 43 ratings.
Ambling my way there, initially cautious as west is not natural parlance to a NoozeHound without compass, I fortuitously stumbled upon a Witherspoons. RESULT.
Free WI-fi and cheap beer. It is now 15:40. I am half-way down my second Guiness.
Life isn’t really so bad, or so one presently considers.
At the back of my mind a million monkeys are waiting to clamber all over my back. I am full of fears at the moment. Scared this might happen or scared that might happen.
I’m doing one of the sad ex things. I read her stars religiously – well at some time during the day. I try to imagine what affect they have on her. If the choices and decisions relate to her old life or her new life.
Mine are pretty great today, hers, not so much. I don’t want her to have a bad day. Not really. My star sign is supposed to love travel. Plane, taxi, train and possibly bus. It's in the stars.
I owed you a picture. This bloke is sort of infront of me. Why have they got a model of Terry Tibbs in a pub in Edinburgh (I don't think he's supposed to be Terry Tibbs - but he's a shorter but very passable version!)
Talk to me!
Welcome to the disappointment.
19 July 2010
A Quiet Sadness
Changing times in NoozeHound land.
I am experiencing something of an emotional malaise.
Well,it was a definite weekend. I got blown out Friday night - for the second successive attempt with this individual friend.
When I bumped into an old acquaintance on Thursday, out of the blue, for the second time in a year, in a very odd fashion, I got the idea that fate may be lending a hand.
Taking that into consideration, I took the long view that perhaps fate (or whatever unseen set of circumstances or coincidence work for you) was sending me a gentle message that the failure to hook-up for a second time was, perhaps, for a reason.
So my Friday was spent in alone with my anaesthetics.
Saturday I had the NoozeHoundette for the day. We bowled and played air hockey. We went to the pictures (AstroBoy - which we both enjoyed) and had an impromptu picnic in the park. A trip to the barbers - me - and a trip to the market to buy a super-soaker - NoozeHoundette.
EMNH phoned demanding I do her washing as I had left her without a machine. I complied I want to at least try to do right.
Then I cooked her dinner, we had a bit of a cuddle and watched some Toy Story 2.
I took her home and I think mostly she had a good day. It's all very, very sad.
I went for dinner at a friend's house.
It hit me that she had been seeing this man while I was at work - in my house. Sleeping with him there.
She had given me her sheets and dirty knickers to was. How much hatred does this was have for me? How could she humiliate so completely. Such stuff is the kinky world of cuckolds and their like.
I told her this was not to happen again by email. I have not heard from her since.
After anaesthnetizing at my friend's - drinking until I could no longer stand up, SUnday was a subdued afair.
I spent much time thinking. A whisper from a quiet corner suggested that perhaps Karma was at work- NoozeHound had left his first wife for another woman.
The more I thought, EMNH had told me; not quite as she portrays herself, but told me it was over and never answered my pleas to put it right. She ahd tried to keep her affair away from me and private. She had tried to tell me it was over.
It was my delusional inability to see what was before me.
I'm glad for my sanity that I got out - 'What a fool believes' was a very approriate song wasn't it.
Sunday was very restrained and a little odd because I knew I would be deinking later I couldn't kick back and relax inthe sun with a few cold ones.
I went to see the old friend from Thursday. We walked to the local and enjoyed a few glasses together. It was nice to smile and laugh for a change. It felt good being out on a school night - there must be some benefits.
I have accepted EMNH is just that; an ex. She can't hurt me anymore. She tore my heart from my chest, spat on it and kicked it laughing all the while up and down the street.
I still love her though. My world is a sadder, quieter more lonely place without her in it.
Of course I know I shall hear from her again - demanding money or requiring care for the NoozeHoundette so she can meet her married man. It will be demanding, or screaming or a courteous text/email asking me to babysit.
It won't be to clean her soiled sheets - that I guarantee.
I robbed this from Postsecret -I hope the author doesn't mind but I find myself asking the same questions:
Welcome to the disappointment
I am experiencing something of an emotional malaise.
Well,it was a definite weekend. I got blown out Friday night - for the second successive attempt with this individual friend.
When I bumped into an old acquaintance on Thursday, out of the blue, for the second time in a year, in a very odd fashion, I got the idea that fate may be lending a hand.
Taking that into consideration, I took the long view that perhaps fate (or whatever unseen set of circumstances or coincidence work for you) was sending me a gentle message that the failure to hook-up for a second time was, perhaps, for a reason.
So my Friday was spent in alone with my anaesthetics.
Saturday I had the NoozeHoundette for the day. We bowled and played air hockey. We went to the pictures (AstroBoy - which we both enjoyed) and had an impromptu picnic in the park. A trip to the barbers - me - and a trip to the market to buy a super-soaker - NoozeHoundette.
EMNH phoned demanding I do her washing as I had left her without a machine. I complied I want to at least try to do right.
Then I cooked her dinner, we had a bit of a cuddle and watched some Toy Story 2.
I took her home and I think mostly she had a good day. It's all very, very sad.
I went for dinner at a friend's house.
It hit me that she had been seeing this man while I was at work - in my house. Sleeping with him there.
She had given me her sheets and dirty knickers to was. How much hatred does this was have for me? How could she humiliate so completely. Such stuff is the kinky world of cuckolds and their like.
I told her this was not to happen again by email. I have not heard from her since.
After anaesthnetizing at my friend's - drinking until I could no longer stand up, SUnday was a subdued afair.
I spent much time thinking. A whisper from a quiet corner suggested that perhaps Karma was at work- NoozeHound had left his first wife for another woman.
The more I thought, EMNH had told me; not quite as she portrays herself, but told me it was over and never answered my pleas to put it right. She ahd tried to keep her affair away from me and private. She had tried to tell me it was over.
It was my delusional inability to see what was before me.
I'm glad for my sanity that I got out - 'What a fool believes' was a very approriate song wasn't it.
Sunday was very restrained and a little odd because I knew I would be deinking later I couldn't kick back and relax inthe sun with a few cold ones.
I went to see the old friend from Thursday. We walked to the local and enjoyed a few glasses together. It was nice to smile and laugh for a change. It felt good being out on a school night - there must be some benefits.
I have accepted EMNH is just that; an ex. She can't hurt me anymore. She tore my heart from my chest, spat on it and kicked it laughing all the while up and down the street.
I still love her though. My world is a sadder, quieter more lonely place without her in it.
Of course I know I shall hear from her again - demanding money or requiring care for the NoozeHoundette so she can meet her married man. It will be demanding, or screaming or a courteous text/email asking me to babysit.
It won't be to clean her soiled sheets - that I guarantee.
I robbed this from Postsecret -I hope the author doesn't mind but I find myself asking the same questions:
Welcome to the disappointment