Angels & Demons

Greetings from a decidedly stinky NoozeHound.

I have just completed a little exercise that I now try to include in my day. Less than a few miles but a tiring, hilly lane that someone thoughtfully placed a hostelry at the mid-point. Today, in admittedly short bursts, I jogged. I shit ye not.

An interesting observation was made to me today. Mine enemies enemy is my friend. I was more than a little surprised.

My life is running strange. I  have moments of such peace, such exclusivity,  it is as if I am taken to a protected oasis of calm where no harm can touch me. Other moments, I have genuine terror and dread of the horrendous dealings that lay ahead of me. My heart falls.

EMNH screamed at me for asking NoozeHoundette if she had met Mummy's new boyfriend yet. Questioning our daughter - guilt?

It later emerged she has already met The Married Man. Don't waste any time EMNH.  

I notice that I am 'peacocking'. The process started immediately before I extracted myself from the house of horrors. I have adorned myself. I must say, I considered a tattoo or dying my hair, but my wooden beads are the limit of my 'radical' image change. It is typical divorce behaviour.

I think it may have something to do with trying to show the world you are someone new. Someone different.

I was told, in total sincerity, that I should fear for my safety around EMNH. I foolishly offered to babysit so she could attend her married man's beck and call to a hotel. It was a hellish mistake. I unfortunately broke a vase by accident and made something of a mess. I cleared it up but the damage was done. She twisted the knife several times. She seems to take pleasure in hurting me.

It was explained back to me that she was demonstrating to me she did not care for me. I have in recent times told EMNH I still love her. Perhaps this was my answer.

 I got very drunk. It didn't hurt any more. Why does she have such hatred for me? She has what she apparently wanted. Why deliver more pain because she can.

I was also warned not to drink anything other than tea, coffee or water in that house again, for the real fear she may take him back to the house just because she can and it would hurt me. I must be capable of getting out hastily if required. This seems wise counsel.

I speak with friends and even feel happy.

Then the texts start from EMNH. Souring my mood and bringing a darkness over my being.

There is such a huge, destructive war to come. I am not ashamed to admit I fear the future.

Nearly fifteen years of accumulated vitriol and hatred seems destined for my path.

This is how you make me feel now... 

 

Welcome to the disappointment.