How Much Does Free Really Cost?

If you've read the on-going saga you'll be aware of how I've gotten to this point.  I come here today fresh from reading how Twitter will be having sponsored Tweets. Internet marketing at its, what...? Best?  Worst?  Most tacky?

Internet marketing, to me, was something of a dirty word before I got into this and it hasn't really done a lot to improve that image.

To start I signed up to get a couple of free e-books, then recommended for a fantastic offer of a system and now tipped to sign up for an amazing program.  

The first place I went wanted me to pay someone else $9.95 for something or the other, it was hard to quantify.

The second was Free.  Zero dollars.  No argument, there.  I signed up and downloaded the e-books. Nice enough.  It dawns on me, 'is this what the second program told them to do?'

Is my initial sign-up merely a graduate of and pimp for the second?

So, once my PDFs are in-hand, I receive my newsletter suggesting I visit this fantastic site for 5 free videos (I only count four by the way).  Eager to discover the secret to riches (but I'll settle for a reasonable  income) I zoom over, watch the video and sign-up again.  If I sign up for 1$ I can join the program for a 7-day trial.

Staring blankly it strikes me again, there are promises of x-amount of crafted content and seminars and webinars and videos and books and coaching - but how much could I readily access, digest or use in just 7-days?  Enough to just get to grips with it before ...kerching!  Subscription time.

As I said yesterday, even proving to myself degrees of impropriety and apparent levels of success far different to those paraded, I still wanted to sign.

WARNING: RUDE WORDS & ADULT THEMES ARE DISCUSSED NEXT.  INNOCENT OR EASILY OFFENDED PEOPLE SHOULD LEAVE NOW - A POOR AND CRUDE JOKE FOLLOWS...

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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

 - A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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This one had played on my mind a little too.  Second joke, to further illustrate the point...

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(Dim-witted person of racially-derived stereotype ) finds a magic lamp.

Genie - I am at your command.  You may have three wishes.

(D-W PoR-DS) - Well, I shall have to think about this.  I like Whiskey.  I would like a bottle of Whiskey that no matter how much I drink never empties.

Genie - It is done.

(D-W PoR-DS) Puts it to the test and drinks heartily.  To his amazement and joy, his bottle is still completely full.

Genie - And your second wish, Oh Master?

(D-W PoR-DS) - I'll have another one of those.

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The theme to my (apologies if they are not accurately recalled) jokes is of never-ending supply.  If you had an item that would never run-out and could generate no cache through rarity (e.g A Rolls Royce) what possible reason would you have to limit its' availability; frankly, you wouldn't.

Oh sure, it would be in your interest to suggest such a limit, first 2,000, last 8, etc, but you'd be a fool to turn anyone away.  Oh yes, and you use automatic sales letters, 'silent sales machines', to generate and mail the email letters.  And you describe to me how you do it!

Back to Free. Were I to sign-up, it would thus far cost me $1, probably, say, 65 pence in reality*.

I discovered and had confirmed it will also cost me $67 a month, or $804 a year (approx £42 or £480 for the year).  But lets stick to the short-term.

Wait.  The one dollar is refundable.  But 7-days must be calculated to be just long enough to get (me) hooked. Why tell me about subscription fees if you think I'll quit after a week.  What?   You don't expect me to quit after a week? $68 dollars it is then.

Last night I received another email from my original sign-uppers. A social networking course from an exotic-sounding lady for the minuscule sum of $897 (£535) or $994 (£590) on terms.

Oh, wait.  The real price is £2497/£1,500 for the 10 week course (or more on terms).

But I was going to learn how to generate social media traffic from the first plan wasn't I?

"Even if you're a little concerned about the price..."  Fuck yeah!  Naturally this offer is also limited and only going out to a few people, close friends, yada yada.

'Negative people need not apply' - core sales technique; attack the inner worthlessness.

'I want winners on my team' - loving that psychological pressure.

Then the bombshell turns up in my mailbox.

It's all over.  I'm too late.  My 'five-video secondary site' is closing me out.

No.  It's just the subject line.  

"This is the email you will get if you don't sign up NOW!."

If I act really quickly I can still get the super bonus 'stack' of e-books (those limitless downloads with ludicrous prices and snappy internet marketing titles - THAT YOU KEEP TELLING ME IS THE WAY FOR ME TO MAKE MONEY ON LINE) before it's too late.

Full circle.  

Back to the social media lady - how's that gonna work? If Twitter are marketing their own marketing tweets?  

Also, on the subject of change, how will the magical automated Adwords tool cope with Google's 'Are you human?' routine?  Not very well I would guess.

So now, in poker terms, it's a dollar to see them.  The brunette chick is playing for higher stakes and priced me out of the game.  I have a little time left before the other offer runs out; down to hours.

"You got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em (soundbwoys)
Know when to walk away
Know when to run.. (hey, hey, hey, hey..)
You got to count your dub-plates
before you touch the turntables (DJ's)
Cause if you run out of big tunes
that means your sound is done"

Please comment.  If you know these programs are they kosher?  Are you pullin' $94K a year?  Bling. bling bling? 

Is this you blogger?

Do you got...

Oprah do your laundry?

Michael Jordan cut your grass?

How frivolous are you?

Do you drive a Hummer to the end of your driveway just to get the mail?

Is that all you use it for?

You got six stockbrokers?

Fourteen doctors?

Two Lawyers?

Seventeen accountants?

Eight other lawyers to watch the first two lawyers?

Have you got...

Custom-made condoms, made outta other people's dicks?

When you're too tired to get your socks(?) blown, do you hire someone else to fuck for you?

How rich are you? How much credit you got?

Did you throw away all you platinum cards?

Did you get a Uranium card?

Have you got a Rolls Royce pick-up truck?

Penthouse with a helicopter pad on the roof?

Snipers in the other building to make sure no-one steals your helicopter? 

(cuz that always happens, right?  Life as a video game)

Donald Trump deliver your newspapers in the morning?

Tip him?

Well do you Blogger?

(cap most honourably doffed to Wycleff Jean and Busta Rhymes)

Welcome to the disappointment.

* Reality in the sense that I would be subject to High Street exchange rates to get my dollar from my meagre pounds.