Dillemma

...not in the Nelly & Kelly sense either.

Fans of 'the Nooze'; I have not been completely open with you.

You see my relationship with Mrs NoozeHound ran aground some time ago and has been haemorrhaging rather badly ever since. 

I have been labouring under false hope for sometime, but is has been made clear to me recently, exactly where I stand. Ideally for the future ex-Mrs NoozeHound, that will not within 50 yards of her.

I don't quite know how things got this bad, but I think it would be fair to say a large proportion of blame must lay at my door.

My play list (and therefore my tweets) should be an indicator as to my state of mind. Despite how bad things have been, it's a large chunk of shared life to lose - and it will always hurt to not be wanted.

Anyway, today, I took the NoozeHoundlette to a theme park.

In between draughts of immense sadness, I was looking around to see if there were any ready replacements available - a future ex-Mrs NoozeHound.

Now don't rush to judge me. I was not looking for a replacement per se. I was looking to see if there were ladies out there, purely on looks, that I would consider having as a partner.

You see, in many ways, the 'soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-NoozeHound' (STBEMH) is definitely an 8 if not a 9. She has many qualities I realise that I rate in a woman, namely, good breasts (C), slim figure (12-14), a preference for thongs and wearing a heeled shoe when suitable and being able to walk in them.

She has many other qualities, not least her looks, but I was evaluating purely on a visual basis.

As my sample pool  was a theme park, the majority of candidates were young mothers. Said young mothers were with their equally young male partners.

NoozeHound is not equally young. When he first courted STBEMH,  he was not only significantly younger but also significantly slimmer, well, quite a bit any way.

"Well NoozeHound, perhaps you should be more realistic and readjust your requirements based on your current, erm, situation?"

Maybe. But of the whole park there were less than a handful of women that I thought attractive enough that I would want on my arm. Which equates to 'were good looking enough for me to consider suitable candidates for a relationship'.

One looked a little like Emma Thompson (not Nanny McPhee), one was an oddly dressed dirty looking blonde. I didn't even evaluate their form in great detail.  What it proved is I am immensely picky. Vain, picky and shallow.

I listened to some relationship advice last week, cautioning against repeat picking the same 'type'. Being more successful at moving on if one didn't pick the same type of new partner.

I thought about this. Is that 'I should not pick an especially attractive woman?'

It's true they are not without their share of difficulties, but I really couldn't imagine being with a drab, tardy, unkempt or asexual partner.

I am nearer fifty than forty and not a millionaire or a celebrity. In addition, I will be losing my home, hereby forcing me to pay exorbitant rent and having to pay (ludicrously high) child support, consequently being too poor to have any kind of supporting asset. 

In a horribly vivid sense, welcome to the disappointment.