Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!

I was in two minds whether to post or not.

Despite the title, this is not intended to be my personal whinge forum. Nor is it, regardless of the diminutive (non-existent?) readership, intended to be a personal journal.

Life is pretty uncomfortable at the moment. Work seems to be going very well. Personally, not so well.

A regular reader, having overcome the total shock of yesterday, may well have tired of my emotional torture all ready.

But then any regular reader will also recall me showing my hand some months ago. If you are still wondering - because of course, the emotional state of the NoozeHound is sure to play on the mind of any blog-reader - I cried because I realised that I would never in my life have relationship like that.

I was sort of flirt-mailing with (STBEMH) today. It took me back to happier days. It was of course simply a projection on my part. A later phone call, fraught with all of the long-endured resentment that runs like a major tributary through the wreckage of our relationship put paid to any romantic notions I may have been nursing.

Later still, when she asked me about Skype for talking to an ex-lover who (she said) seems a bit depressed  I was, if possible, even more aware that said notions were subject to the gravest ridicule.

I will stress here, that A) I am simply not the jealous type and have little to fear regarding a fairly unreliable married family-man many miles away; B) The techie in me would have helped her install Skype and lent her a head-set, or at the very minimum sent her an install link despite the prospect; and C) she says (on Facebook) she is single - so who the heck am I to have the remotest idea that I can tell her who she may or may not speak, text, video-chat with?

So this awkwardness continues - for me. STBEMH seems fairly oblivious, or at least better able to deal with the the bizarre and emotionally debilitating nature of the situation. Or perhaps her game is of the long variety - she has already connived an 'early birthday present' - "give it to me now, (you will be gone before my birthday?)"

Also a 'family' trip to the beach - "I drove; I will take your offer to treat (buy picnic lunch, 'bargain' clothing offers, ladies periodicals, teas, ice-creams and buckets and spades) and expect you to entertain NoozeHoundette for the whole time I sun-bathe - sucker!"

Oh the joy of those family days out!

Wow! This has grown in length and time to type/booze consumed.

The headline - in old money, was me getting turned over by e-harmony (f*ck-em, they'll get no link from me )

After seeing enough of their English or hyper-professionally  filmed/dubbed international commercials; and following yesterdays post review (Google adds offering pre-sentient  promotion of 'older women dating'. I feel dirty for both of us) I went to e-harmony - find your matches....blah blah blah.

OK, I was curious (famous last words if ever there were any). My (sort of) current lover (?), significant other, doesn't want me. So hypothetically, after hearing/seeing the e-hegmony (UK) adds - and sitting in front of, not one, but three live computers, I thought "OK. I'm buying it. What 'relationship matches' do you have for me?"

Well, here was the thing. One of the very first questions asked is your relationship status.

"OK, nothing gained from dressing up the facts..." (I answered: separated).

I proceeded to answer page after page of psychological questions - save and exit? or, save and continue? - save and continue...

...and on and on it went; 1-6 are you generous? - and so on and very demanding.

- Nothin'  ventured, nothin' gained...

"What sort o' match? What sort o' match?

OUR terms and conditions state clearly our service is for singles - you have indicated you are separated - you fail FAIL FAIL FAIL (you scrotes! Wasting so much of my time like that for nought!) as such we cannot under our terms offer you a match but here is a bullshit report :

"YOU ARE AGREEABLE"

- Oh no, trust me; I am so not agreeable you bunch of turd biscuits...DEATH/BLOOD/PAIN/AGONY/DEATH/DIE/DIE/DIE!

Mucho time wasted on account of my honesty - fuck you e-match-dot-con.

So if you're looking for love and eastern European love-slaves ; e-harmony is pants.

After completing (In detail) my requirements I get not even a suggestion of fair maiden merely a poxy report.

EDIT  - I passed out/fell asleep at that point and can't now pick up the thread. The crux, as you will probably have guessed is even 'the relationship sight' blew me out. - welcome to the disappointment.