I was in two minds whether to post or not.
Despite the title, this is not intended to be my personal whinge forum. Nor is it, regardless of the diminutive (non-existent?) readership, intended to be a personal journal.
Life is pretty uncomfortable at the moment. Work seems to be going very well. Personally, not so well.
A regular reader, having overcome the total shock of yesterday, may well have tired of my emotional torture all ready.
But then any regular reader will also recall me showing my hand some months ago. If you are still wondering - because of course, the emotional state of the NoozeHound is sure to play on the mind of any blog-reader - I cried because I realised that I would never in my life have relationship like that.
I was sort of flirt-mailing with (STBEMH) today. It took me back to happier days. It was of course simply a projection on my part. A later phone call, fraught with all of the long-endured resentment that runs like a major tributary through the wreckage of our relationship put paid to any romantic notions I may have been nursing.
Later still, when she asked me about Skype for talking to an ex-lover who (she said) seems a bit depressed I was, if possible, even more aware that said notions were subject to the gravest ridicule.
I will stress here, that A) I am simply not the jealous type and have little to fear regarding a fairly unreliable married family-man many miles away; B) The techie in me would have helped her install Skype and lent her a head-set, or at the very minimum sent her an install link despite the prospect; and C) she says (on Facebook) she is single - so who the heck am I to have the remotest idea that I can tell her who she may or may not speak, text, video-chat with?
So this awkwardness continues - for me. STBEMH seems fairly oblivious, or at least better able to deal with the the bizarre and emotionally debilitating nature of the situation. Or perhaps her game is of the long variety - she has already connived an 'early birthday present' - "give it to me now, (you will be gone before my birthday?)"
Also a 'family' trip to the beach - "I drove; I will take your offer to treat (buy picnic lunch, 'bargain' clothing offers, ladies periodicals, teas, ice-creams and buckets and spades) and expect you to entertain NoozeHoundette for the whole time I sun-bathe - sucker!"
Oh the joy of those family days out!
Wow! This has grown in length and time to type/booze consumed.
The headline - in old money, was me getting turned over by e-harmony (f*ck-em, they'll get no link from me )
After seeing enough of their English or hyper-professionally filmed/dubbed international commercials; and following yesterdays post review (Google adds offering pre-sentient promotion of 'older women dating'. I feel dirty for both of us) I went to e-harmony - find your matches....blah blah blah.
OK, I was curious (famous last words if ever there were any). My (sort of) current lover (?), significant other, doesn't want me. So hypothetically, after hearing/seeing the e-hegmony (UK) adds - and sitting in front of, not one, but three live computers, I thought "OK. I'm buying it. What 'relationship matches' do you have for me?"
Well, here was the thing. One of the very first questions asked is your relationship status.
"OK, nothing gained from dressing up the facts..." (I answered: separated).
I proceeded to answer page after page of psychological questions - save and exit? or, save and continue? - save and continue...
...and on and on it went; 1-6 are you generous? - and so on and very demanding.
- Nothin' ventured, nothin' gained...
"What sort o' match? What sort o' match?
OUR terms and conditions state clearly our service is for singles - you have indicated you are separated - you fail FAIL FAIL FAIL (you scrotes! Wasting so much of my time like that for nought!) as such we cannot under our terms offer you a match but here is a bullshit report :
"YOU ARE AGREEABLE"
- Oh no, trust me; I am so not agreeable you bunch of turd biscuits...DEATH/BLOOD/PAIN/AGONY/DEATH/DIE/DIE/DIE!
Mucho time wasted on account of my honesty - fuck you e-match-dot-con.
So if you're looking for love and eastern European love-slaves ; e-harmony is pants.
After completing (In detail) my requirements I get not even a suggestion of fair maiden merely a poxy report.
EDIT - I passed out/fell asleep at that point and can't now pick up the thread. The crux, as you will probably have guessed is even 'the relationship sight' blew me out. - welcome to the disappointment.
2 June 2010
31 May 2010
Dillemma
...not in the Nelly & Kelly sense either.
Fans of 'the Nooze'; I have not been completely open with you.
You see my relationship with Mrs NoozeHound ran aground some time ago and has been haemorrhaging rather badly ever since.
I have been labouring under false hope for sometime, but is has been made clear to me recently, exactly where I stand. Ideally for the future ex-Mrs NoozeHound, that will not within 50 yards of her.
I don't quite know how things got this bad, but I think it would be fair to say a large proportion of blame must lay at my door.
My play list (and therefore my tweets) should be an indicator as to my state of mind. Despite how bad things have been, it's a large chunk of shared life to lose - and it will always hurt to not be wanted.
Anyway, today, I took the NoozeHoundlette to a theme park.
In between draughts of immense sadness, I was looking around to see if there were any ready replacements available - a future ex-Mrs NoozeHound.
Now don't rush to judge me. I was not looking for a replacement per se. I was looking to see if there were ladies out there, purely on looks, that I would consider having as a partner.
You see, in many ways, the 'soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-NoozeHound' (STBEMH) is definitely an 8 if not a 9. She has many qualities I realise that I rate in a woman, namely, good breasts (C), slim figure (12-14), a preference for thongs and wearing a heeled shoe when suitable and being able to walk in them.
She has many other qualities, not least her looks, but I was evaluating purely on a visual basis.
As my sample pool was a theme park, the majority of candidates were young mothers. Said young mothers were with their equally young male partners.
NoozeHound is not equally young. When he first courted STBEMH, he was not only significantly younger but also significantly slimmer, well, quite a bit any way.
"Well NoozeHound, perhaps you should be more realistic and readjust your requirements based on your current, erm, situation?"
Maybe. But of the whole park there were less than a handful of women that I thought attractive enough that I would want on my arm. Which equates to 'were good looking enough for me to consider suitable candidates for a relationship'.
One looked a little like Emma Thompson (not Nanny McPhee), one was an oddly dressed dirty looking blonde. I didn't even evaluate their form in great detail. What it proved is I am immensely picky. Vain, picky and shallow.
I listened to some relationship advice last week, cautioning against repeat picking the same 'type'. Being more successful at moving on if one didn't pick the same type of new partner.
I thought about this. Is that 'I should not pick an especially attractive woman?'
It's true they are not without their share of difficulties, but I really couldn't imagine being with a drab, tardy, unkempt or asexual partner.
I am nearer fifty than forty and not a millionaire or a celebrity. In addition, I will be losing my home, hereby forcing me to pay exorbitant rent and having to pay (ludicrously high) child support, consequently being too poor to have any kind of supporting asset.
In a horribly vivid sense, welcome to the disappointment.
Fans of 'the Nooze'; I have not been completely open with you.
You see my relationship with Mrs NoozeHound ran aground some time ago and has been haemorrhaging rather badly ever since.
I have been labouring under false hope for sometime, but is has been made clear to me recently, exactly where I stand. Ideally for the future ex-Mrs NoozeHound, that will not within 50 yards of her.
I don't quite know how things got this bad, but I think it would be fair to say a large proportion of blame must lay at my door.
My play list (and therefore my tweets) should be an indicator as to my state of mind. Despite how bad things have been, it's a large chunk of shared life to lose - and it will always hurt to not be wanted.
Anyway, today, I took the NoozeHoundlette to a theme park.
In between draughts of immense sadness, I was looking around to see if there were any ready replacements available - a future ex-Mrs NoozeHound.
Now don't rush to judge me. I was not looking for a replacement per se. I was looking to see if there were ladies out there, purely on looks, that I would consider having as a partner.
You see, in many ways, the 'soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-NoozeHound' (STBEMH) is definitely an 8 if not a 9. She has many qualities I realise that I rate in a woman, namely, good breasts (C), slim figure (12-14), a preference for thongs and wearing a heeled shoe when suitable and being able to walk in them.
She has many other qualities, not least her looks, but I was evaluating purely on a visual basis.
As my sample pool was a theme park, the majority of candidates were young mothers. Said young mothers were with their equally young male partners.
NoozeHound is not equally young. When he first courted STBEMH, he was not only significantly younger but also significantly slimmer, well, quite a bit any way.
"Well NoozeHound, perhaps you should be more realistic and readjust your requirements based on your current, erm, situation?"
Maybe. But of the whole park there were less than a handful of women that I thought attractive enough that I would want on my arm. Which equates to 'were good looking enough for me to consider suitable candidates for a relationship'.
One looked a little like Emma Thompson (not Nanny McPhee), one was an oddly dressed dirty looking blonde. I didn't even evaluate their form in great detail. What it proved is I am immensely picky. Vain, picky and shallow.
I listened to some relationship advice last week, cautioning against repeat picking the same 'type'. Being more successful at moving on if one didn't pick the same type of new partner.
I thought about this. Is that 'I should not pick an especially attractive woman?'
It's true they are not without their share of difficulties, but I really couldn't imagine being with a drab, tardy, unkempt or asexual partner.
I am nearer fifty than forty and not a millionaire or a celebrity. In addition, I will be losing my home, hereby forcing me to pay exorbitant rent and having to pay (ludicrously high) child support, consequently being too poor to have any kind of supporting asset.
In a horribly vivid sense, welcome to the disappointment.
29 May 2010
They Think's It's All Over....It Is Now!
I sincerely doubt that Kenneth Wolstenhome, when uttering those ultimately immortal worlds, ever considered how they may be used to evaluate a failed relationship that not only lasted far longer than it had a duty to, but also attained the heightened status (in occasional parts) of also achieving far kinkier status than it's decidedly staid and conservative nature ever ever ever had the rights to obtain.
Now there is billing...
Despite the debonair approach, (Family Portrait is finishing and so is a half of Scotch) I'm pretty fucked-up really.
How can you know something is so wrong for so long; so totally poisonous to your mental health, but then feel lost without? So bereft at the idea of being denied?
How can one plan, in detail. the murder and decapitation of someone and on a change of tide be so utterly contrary and so pained to the soul at the very idea of losing her?
Perhaps Money never Mattered?
Perhaps I'm just bored as fuck with waiting - despite consuming half a bottle of Scotch (generic - you do not, to the best of my knowledge, get single malts (AAAAAArrrrrggggghhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!) in quantities other than bottle or dram. For myself, following my Father's predilection has seen me quite appreciate the Scottish spirit.
Sunday Express, Srif,
b
(this was a post that never quite reached the publish key - it seems a tad bizarre updating the situation whilst simultaneously depriving you of my opening gambit...)
NoozeHound 29 May 2010
Sorry if formatting is out of synch.
Now there is billing...
Despite the debonair approach, (Family Portrait is finishing and so is a half of Scotch) I'm pretty fucked-up really.
How can you know something is so wrong for so long; so totally poisonous to your mental health, but then feel lost without? So bereft at the idea of being denied?
How can one plan, in detail. the murder and decapitation of someone and on a change of tide be so utterly contrary and so pained to the soul at the very idea of losing her?
Perhaps Money never Mattered?
Perhaps I'm just bored as fuck with waiting - despite consuming half a bottle of Scotch (generic - you do not, to the best of my knowledge, get single malts (AAAAAArrrrrggggghhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!) in quantities other than bottle or dram. For myself, following my Father's predilection has seen me quite appreciate the Scottish spirit.
Sunday Express, Srif,
b
(this was a post that never quite reached the publish key - it seems a tad bizarre updating the situation whilst simultaneously depriving you of my opening gambit...)
NoozeHound 29 May 2010
Sorry if formatting is out of synch.
11 May 2010
Dropped In, Sold Out, Half-Arsed
Greetings from the land of the NoozeHound.
I started writing a pre-election post. That was all though. I just started it. It ended, much like the election, as unfinished business.
After a few Opera updates I was suddenly gripped by the urge to see if it was friends with Blogger again. I am as much in the dark as you at this point.
I view myself with more than a little disdain. I have published a dozen or so sentences but that has been the total of my creative productivity.
Were I to try to mount a defence, it would run along the lines of me being busy, working long hours, home-life difficult, etc, but it would really come down to the hours spent of Facebook.
Not, I hasten to add, communing electronically with friends old and new. Catching up on gossip and making plans - the very epitome of the modern social scene. No, not your beloved old NoozeHound.
No, I have been maintaining several small though apparently popular and successful cafés whilst fronting two crime families and their nefarious imaginary activities.
I read Ten Reasons to Delete Your Facebook Account ( I think it's the original source) via popurls. I re-posted it too - in my Facebook profile! Beyond that, I did sweet FA . Other than carry on dishing out beatings to Thai drug-dealers and knocking up Veggie Lasagne of course.
Mrs NoozeHound (recent purchaser of an Android phone and a new Windows 7 laptop) is a frequent network socialite, chatting merrily to real-life friends frequently although rarely in depth.
So then, I am working again. It seems to be going well but I am currently contracting for a reasonable hourly rate - the clients have expressed a desire for me to take the permie shilling. We seem some distance apart on the remuneration package.
My toothache has finally been cured. Two extractions and a root canal. About $500 of treatment - yet to be completed but at least I am no longer in constant pain. There was a time there when every trip to the supermarket meant stocking up on ibuprofen and paracetemol because I knew it would only be a matter of time before I had taken everything in the house.
The NoozeHound political voice, I believe went unheard. I used my vote in the vain hope of preventing one Tory seat. I would very much like to vote in an election where my single vote went toward a total of votes for that party rather than be silenced as it currently is be deluded fools in the locale. I will never forgive those responsible if this opportunity for change is allowed to escape.
So, the moment of truth, will Opera 10.53 succeed where it's recent predecessors failed?
-Or will it be, another welcome to the disappointment ?
I started writing a pre-election post. That was all though. I just started it. It ended, much like the election, as unfinished business.
After a few Opera updates I was suddenly gripped by the urge to see if it was friends with Blogger again. I am as much in the dark as you at this point.
I view myself with more than a little disdain. I have published a dozen or so sentences but that has been the total of my creative productivity.
Were I to try to mount a defence, it would run along the lines of me being busy, working long hours, home-life difficult, etc, but it would really come down to the hours spent of Facebook.
Not, I hasten to add, communing electronically with friends old and new. Catching up on gossip and making plans - the very epitome of the modern social scene. No, not your beloved old NoozeHound.
No, I have been maintaining several small though apparently popular and successful cafés whilst fronting two crime families and their nefarious imaginary activities.
I read Ten Reasons to Delete Your Facebook Account ( I think it's the original source) via popurls. I re-posted it too - in my Facebook profile! Beyond that, I did sweet FA . Other than carry on dishing out beatings to Thai drug-dealers and knocking up Veggie Lasagne of course.
Mrs NoozeHound (recent purchaser of an Android phone and a new Windows 7 laptop) is a frequent network socialite, chatting merrily to real-life friends frequently although rarely in depth.
So then, I am working again. It seems to be going well but I am currently contracting for a reasonable hourly rate - the clients have expressed a desire for me to take the permie shilling. We seem some distance apart on the remuneration package.
My toothache has finally been cured. Two extractions and a root canal. About $500 of treatment - yet to be completed but at least I am no longer in constant pain. There was a time there when every trip to the supermarket meant stocking up on ibuprofen and paracetemol because I knew it would only be a matter of time before I had taken everything in the house.
The NoozeHound political voice, I believe went unheard. I used my vote in the vain hope of preventing one Tory seat. I would very much like to vote in an election where my single vote went toward a total of votes for that party rather than be silenced as it currently is be deluded fools in the locale. I will never forgive those responsible if this opportunity for change is allowed to escape.
So, the moment of truth, will Opera 10.53 succeed where it's recent predecessors failed?
-Or will it be, another welcome to the disappointment ?