... bad is an adjective to describe a condition or state.
abominable, amiss, atrocious, awful, bad news,beastly, blah*, bottom out, bummer, careless,cheap, cheesy*, crappy*, cruddy, crummy,defective, deficient, diddly, dissatisfactory,downer, dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty,garbage, godawful, grody, gross*, grungy, icky,imperfect, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, junky,lousy*, not good, off, poor, raunchy*, rough,sad, slipshod, stinking, substandard, synthetic,the pits, unacceptable, unsatisfactory.
It's not good.
Having consumed what I believed to be every drop of alcohol in the house, I was incorrect. It was something of a downer to discover my poor efforts failed with the discovery of half a bottle of San Miguel and a few shots of brandy remaining in the bottle.
Now I feel approximating lousy.
All of the following tale of woe unfolded before I touched a drop.
Last night. Because she parks so inconveniently, rather than risk causing offence (people can be funny) I offered to move (STBEMH) car for her. I got in and promptly drove straight forward into a post pushing in the bumper and breaking the wheel arch - a result of pushing in the bumper I suspect. The 'girls' were on their way out for a big, long-planned night out. They were using STEBEMH's car and I parked the damaged vehicle with damage facing away. Nothing could be done last night and I decided that my evening was already ruined, there was no sense in ruining more people's evenings with knowledge of the unfortunate events.
I have yet to advise of the damage - that little joy faces me.
In addition I sent some texts last night. I had discussed with a friend the unfortunate state of my love life. She propositioned that STBEMH was perhaps feeling unloved. I had come to a similar consideration myself a few weeks previously.
STBEMH had been proclaiming with some regularity how she was not married. Last night I sent three texts.
The first, in text speak, to ask her if she arrived safely and hoping she had a great time.
The second and third a long message (in text terms, hence two) advising my regrets at the situation and my past behaviour and the mention of the consideration of marriage.
Late last night I texted her accompanying friend to ask if she STBEMH had received the texts.
Apparently the lack of response was the answer.
It reads more like a cross between FML and Texts from Last Night.
Prepare yourself, dear reader, make yourself comfortable... Welcome to the disappointment.
6 June 2010
2 June 2010
Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!
I was in two minds whether to post or not.
Despite the title, this is not intended to be my personal whinge forum. Nor is it, regardless of the diminutive (non-existent?) readership, intended to be a personal journal.
Life is pretty uncomfortable at the moment. Work seems to be going very well. Personally, not so well.
A regular reader, having overcome the total shock of yesterday, may well have tired of my emotional torture all ready.
But then any regular reader will also recall me showing my hand some months ago. If you are still wondering - because of course, the emotional state of the NoozeHound is sure to play on the mind of any blog-reader - I cried because I realised that I would never in my life have relationship like that.
I was sort of flirt-mailing with (STBEMH) today. It took me back to happier days. It was of course simply a projection on my part. A later phone call, fraught with all of the long-endured resentment that runs like a major tributary through the wreckage of our relationship put paid to any romantic notions I may have been nursing.
Later still, when she asked me about Skype for talking to an ex-lover who (she said) seems a bit depressed I was, if possible, even more aware that said notions were subject to the gravest ridicule.
I will stress here, that A) I am simply not the jealous type and have little to fear regarding a fairly unreliable married family-man many miles away; B) The techie in me would have helped her install Skype and lent her a head-set, or at the very minimum sent her an install link despite the prospect; and C) she says (on Facebook) she is single - so who the heck am I to have the remotest idea that I can tell her who she may or may not speak, text, video-chat with?
So this awkwardness continues - for me. STBEMH seems fairly oblivious, or at least better able to deal with the the bizarre and emotionally debilitating nature of the situation. Or perhaps her game is of the long variety - she has already connived an 'early birthday present' - "give it to me now, (you will be gone before my birthday?)"
Also a 'family' trip to the beach - "I drove; I will take your offer to treat (buy picnic lunch, 'bargain' clothing offers, ladies periodicals, teas, ice-creams and buckets and spades) and expect you to entertain NoozeHoundette for the whole time I sun-bathe - sucker!"
Oh the joy of those family days out!
Wow! This has grown in length and time to type/booze consumed.
The headline - in old money, was me getting turned over by e-harmony (f*ck-em, they'll get no link from me )
After seeing enough of their English or hyper-professionally filmed/dubbed international commercials; and following yesterdays post review (Google adds offering pre-sentient promotion of 'older women dating'. I feel dirty for both of us) I went to e-harmony - find your matches....blah blah blah.
OK, I was curious (famous last words if ever there were any). My (sort of) current lover (?), significant other, doesn't want me. So hypothetically, after hearing/seeing the e-hegmony (UK) adds - and sitting in front of, not one, but three live computers, I thought "OK. I'm buying it. What 'relationship matches' do you have for me?"
Well, here was the thing. One of the very first questions asked is your relationship status.
"OK, nothing gained from dressing up the facts..." (I answered: separated).
I proceeded to answer page after page of psychological questions - save and exit? or, save and continue? - save and continue...
...and on and on it went; 1-6 are you generous? - and so on and very demanding.
- Nothin' ventured, nothin' gained...
"What sort o' match? What sort o' match?
OUR terms and conditions state clearly our service is for singles - you have indicated you are separated - you fail FAIL FAIL FAIL (you scrotes! Wasting so much of my time like that for nought!) as such we cannot under our terms offer you a match but here is a bullshit report :
"YOU ARE AGREEABLE"
- Oh no, trust me; I am so not agreeable you bunch of turd biscuits...DEATH/BLOOD/PAIN/AGONY/DEATH/DIE/DIE/DIE!
Mucho time wasted on account of my honesty - fuck you e-match-dot-con.
So if you're looking for love and eastern European love-slaves ; e-harmony is pants.
After completing (In detail) my requirements I get not even a suggestion of fair maiden merely a poxy report.
EDIT - I passed out/fell asleep at that point and can't now pick up the thread. The crux, as you will probably have guessed is even 'the relationship sight' blew me out. - welcome to the disappointment.
Despite the title, this is not intended to be my personal whinge forum. Nor is it, regardless of the diminutive (non-existent?) readership, intended to be a personal journal.
Life is pretty uncomfortable at the moment. Work seems to be going very well. Personally, not so well.
A regular reader, having overcome the total shock of yesterday, may well have tired of my emotional torture all ready.
But then any regular reader will also recall me showing my hand some months ago. If you are still wondering - because of course, the emotional state of the NoozeHound is sure to play on the mind of any blog-reader - I cried because I realised that I would never in my life have relationship like that.
I was sort of flirt-mailing with (STBEMH) today. It took me back to happier days. It was of course simply a projection on my part. A later phone call, fraught with all of the long-endured resentment that runs like a major tributary through the wreckage of our relationship put paid to any romantic notions I may have been nursing.
Later still, when she asked me about Skype for talking to an ex-lover who (she said) seems a bit depressed I was, if possible, even more aware that said notions were subject to the gravest ridicule.
I will stress here, that A) I am simply not the jealous type and have little to fear regarding a fairly unreliable married family-man many miles away; B) The techie in me would have helped her install Skype and lent her a head-set, or at the very minimum sent her an install link despite the prospect; and C) she says (on Facebook) she is single - so who the heck am I to have the remotest idea that I can tell her who she may or may not speak, text, video-chat with?
So this awkwardness continues - for me. STBEMH seems fairly oblivious, or at least better able to deal with the the bizarre and emotionally debilitating nature of the situation. Or perhaps her game is of the long variety - she has already connived an 'early birthday present' - "give it to me now, (you will be gone before my birthday?)"
Also a 'family' trip to the beach - "I drove; I will take your offer to treat (buy picnic lunch, 'bargain' clothing offers, ladies periodicals, teas, ice-creams and buckets and spades) and expect you to entertain NoozeHoundette for the whole time I sun-bathe - sucker!"
Oh the joy of those family days out!
Wow! This has grown in length and time to type/booze consumed.
The headline - in old money, was me getting turned over by e-harmony (f*ck-em, they'll get no link from me )
After seeing enough of their English or hyper-professionally filmed/dubbed international commercials; and following yesterdays post review (Google adds offering pre-sentient promotion of 'older women dating'. I feel dirty for both of us) I went to e-harmony - find your matches....blah blah blah.
OK, I was curious (famous last words if ever there were any). My (sort of) current lover (?), significant other, doesn't want me. So hypothetically, after hearing/seeing the e-hegmony (UK) adds - and sitting in front of, not one, but three live computers, I thought "OK. I'm buying it. What 'relationship matches' do you have for me?"
Well, here was the thing. One of the very first questions asked is your relationship status.
"OK, nothing gained from dressing up the facts..." (I answered: separated).
I proceeded to answer page after page of psychological questions - save and exit? or, save and continue? - save and continue...
...and on and on it went; 1-6 are you generous? - and so on and very demanding.
- Nothin' ventured, nothin' gained...
"What sort o' match? What sort o' match?
OUR terms and conditions state clearly our service is for singles - you have indicated you are separated - you fail FAIL FAIL FAIL (you scrotes! Wasting so much of my time like that for nought!) as such we cannot under our terms offer you a match but here is a bullshit report :
"YOU ARE AGREEABLE"
- Oh no, trust me; I am so not agreeable you bunch of turd biscuits...DEATH/BLOOD/PAIN/AGONY/DEATH/DIE/DIE/DIE!
Mucho time wasted on account of my honesty - fuck you e-match-dot-con.
So if you're looking for love and eastern European love-slaves ; e-harmony is pants.
After completing (In detail) my requirements I get not even a suggestion of fair maiden merely a poxy report.
EDIT - I passed out/fell asleep at that point and can't now pick up the thread. The crux, as you will probably have guessed is even 'the relationship sight' blew me out. - welcome to the disappointment.
31 May 2010
Dillemma
...not in the Nelly & Kelly sense either.
Fans of 'the Nooze'; I have not been completely open with you.
You see my relationship with Mrs NoozeHound ran aground some time ago and has been haemorrhaging rather badly ever since.
I have been labouring under false hope for sometime, but is has been made clear to me recently, exactly where I stand. Ideally for the future ex-Mrs NoozeHound, that will not within 50 yards of her.
I don't quite know how things got this bad, but I think it would be fair to say a large proportion of blame must lay at my door.
My play list (and therefore my tweets) should be an indicator as to my state of mind. Despite how bad things have been, it's a large chunk of shared life to lose - and it will always hurt to not be wanted.
Anyway, today, I took the NoozeHoundlette to a theme park.
In between draughts of immense sadness, I was looking around to see if there were any ready replacements available - a future ex-Mrs NoozeHound.
Now don't rush to judge me. I was not looking for a replacement per se. I was looking to see if there were ladies out there, purely on looks, that I would consider having as a partner.
You see, in many ways, the 'soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-NoozeHound' (STBEMH) is definitely an 8 if not a 9. She has many qualities I realise that I rate in a woman, namely, good breasts (C), slim figure (12-14), a preference for thongs and wearing a heeled shoe when suitable and being able to walk in them.
She has many other qualities, not least her looks, but I was evaluating purely on a visual basis.
As my sample pool was a theme park, the majority of candidates were young mothers. Said young mothers were with their equally young male partners.
NoozeHound is not equally young. When he first courted STBEMH, he was not only significantly younger but also significantly slimmer, well, quite a bit any way.
"Well NoozeHound, perhaps you should be more realistic and readjust your requirements based on your current, erm, situation?"
Maybe. But of the whole park there were less than a handful of women that I thought attractive enough that I would want on my arm. Which equates to 'were good looking enough for me to consider suitable candidates for a relationship'.
One looked a little like Emma Thompson (not Nanny McPhee), one was an oddly dressed dirty looking blonde. I didn't even evaluate their form in great detail. What it proved is I am immensely picky. Vain, picky and shallow.
I listened to some relationship advice last week, cautioning against repeat picking the same 'type'. Being more successful at moving on if one didn't pick the same type of new partner.
I thought about this. Is that 'I should not pick an especially attractive woman?'
It's true they are not without their share of difficulties, but I really couldn't imagine being with a drab, tardy, unkempt or asexual partner.
I am nearer fifty than forty and not a millionaire or a celebrity. In addition, I will be losing my home, hereby forcing me to pay exorbitant rent and having to pay (ludicrously high) child support, consequently being too poor to have any kind of supporting asset.
In a horribly vivid sense, welcome to the disappointment.
Fans of 'the Nooze'; I have not been completely open with you.
You see my relationship with Mrs NoozeHound ran aground some time ago and has been haemorrhaging rather badly ever since.
I have been labouring under false hope for sometime, but is has been made clear to me recently, exactly where I stand. Ideally for the future ex-Mrs NoozeHound, that will not within 50 yards of her.
I don't quite know how things got this bad, but I think it would be fair to say a large proportion of blame must lay at my door.
My play list (and therefore my tweets) should be an indicator as to my state of mind. Despite how bad things have been, it's a large chunk of shared life to lose - and it will always hurt to not be wanted.
Anyway, today, I took the NoozeHoundlette to a theme park.
In between draughts of immense sadness, I was looking around to see if there were any ready replacements available - a future ex-Mrs NoozeHound.
Now don't rush to judge me. I was not looking for a replacement per se. I was looking to see if there were ladies out there, purely on looks, that I would consider having as a partner.
You see, in many ways, the 'soon-to-be-ex-Mrs-NoozeHound' (STBEMH) is definitely an 8 if not a 9. She has many qualities I realise that I rate in a woman, namely, good breasts (C), slim figure (12-14), a preference for thongs and wearing a heeled shoe when suitable and being able to walk in them.
She has many other qualities, not least her looks, but I was evaluating purely on a visual basis.
As my sample pool was a theme park, the majority of candidates were young mothers. Said young mothers were with their equally young male partners.
NoozeHound is not equally young. When he first courted STBEMH, he was not only significantly younger but also significantly slimmer, well, quite a bit any way.
"Well NoozeHound, perhaps you should be more realistic and readjust your requirements based on your current, erm, situation?"
Maybe. But of the whole park there were less than a handful of women that I thought attractive enough that I would want on my arm. Which equates to 'were good looking enough for me to consider suitable candidates for a relationship'.
One looked a little like Emma Thompson (not Nanny McPhee), one was an oddly dressed dirty looking blonde. I didn't even evaluate their form in great detail. What it proved is I am immensely picky. Vain, picky and shallow.
I listened to some relationship advice last week, cautioning against repeat picking the same 'type'. Being more successful at moving on if one didn't pick the same type of new partner.
I thought about this. Is that 'I should not pick an especially attractive woman?'
It's true they are not without their share of difficulties, but I really couldn't imagine being with a drab, tardy, unkempt or asexual partner.
I am nearer fifty than forty and not a millionaire or a celebrity. In addition, I will be losing my home, hereby forcing me to pay exorbitant rent and having to pay (ludicrously high) child support, consequently being too poor to have any kind of supporting asset.
In a horribly vivid sense, welcome to the disappointment.
29 May 2010
They Think's It's All Over....It Is Now!
I sincerely doubt that Kenneth Wolstenhome, when uttering those ultimately immortal worlds, ever considered how they may be used to evaluate a failed relationship that not only lasted far longer than it had a duty to, but also attained the heightened status (in occasional parts) of also achieving far kinkier status than it's decidedly staid and conservative nature ever ever ever had the rights to obtain.
Now there is billing...
Despite the debonair approach, (Family Portrait is finishing and so is a half of Scotch) I'm pretty fucked-up really.
How can you know something is so wrong for so long; so totally poisonous to your mental health, but then feel lost without? So bereft at the idea of being denied?
How can one plan, in detail. the murder and decapitation of someone and on a change of tide be so utterly contrary and so pained to the soul at the very idea of losing her?
Perhaps Money never Mattered?
Perhaps I'm just bored as fuck with waiting - despite consuming half a bottle of Scotch (generic - you do not, to the best of my knowledge, get single malts (AAAAAArrrrrggggghhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!) in quantities other than bottle or dram. For myself, following my Father's predilection has seen me quite appreciate the Scottish spirit.
Sunday Express, Srif,
b
(this was a post that never quite reached the publish key - it seems a tad bizarre updating the situation whilst simultaneously depriving you of my opening gambit...)
NoozeHound 29 May 2010
Sorry if formatting is out of synch.
Now there is billing...
Despite the debonair approach, (Family Portrait is finishing and so is a half of Scotch) I'm pretty fucked-up really.
How can you know something is so wrong for so long; so totally poisonous to your mental health, but then feel lost without? So bereft at the idea of being denied?
How can one plan, in detail. the murder and decapitation of someone and on a change of tide be so utterly contrary and so pained to the soul at the very idea of losing her?
Perhaps Money never Mattered?
Perhaps I'm just bored as fuck with waiting - despite consuming half a bottle of Scotch (generic - you do not, to the best of my knowledge, get single malts (AAAAAArrrrrggggghhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!) in quantities other than bottle or dram. For myself, following my Father's predilection has seen me quite appreciate the Scottish spirit.
Sunday Express, Srif,
b
(this was a post that never quite reached the publish key - it seems a tad bizarre updating the situation whilst simultaneously depriving you of my opening gambit...)
NoozeHound 29 May 2010
Sorry if formatting is out of synch.