It's A Booty Call

Greetings from the land of the NoozeHound.

Regular reader. Yes you, skulking in the corner. I have achieved "dog-licking-balls" status. That is to say the cash-poor geekly-affluent status of having a dual-boot Vista Business(+ Full Aero)/10.04 Lucid Lynx new (to me - but costing nought) PC is now a reality.

(Pretty low-level geekery really - fixing the wi-fi issue at work felt better, but hay-ho.)

 I am on self-destruct again this evening. I would like added to the record, that. should I opt for a self-determined concluding chapter, I would like to opt for 'The Rock-St@r', with the full selection pack.

Hedonist, to the literal end, my justification for this; I am most likely damned anyway, so go out on a bang! More details on this if and when I feel necessary.

Yes, where was I? Oh yes, 'self-destruct...'

I left you, having announced that I had (roundabout) pre-proposed to (STBEMNH) by text. I didn't want to actually propose by text - too much lacking of class - but I hammered home (with a glass hammer) the implication that it was on the cards....

The esS -to-the-Tee, Bee-to-the EMN. aitcH-to the Hound of LURVE ...well, 'My Friend'. When approached head-on about my text, her response.......?

"That was really controlling. I only just arrive and I get all these textstes  (sic). - You know I hate mushy stuff anyway."

In my defence; she has always said my text get to her, effectively, after the event. E.G - buy *stuff* - text arrives when @ home.

So, 15 minutes after she pulled out the drive, I am sending first txt-spk "hv a grt nt"; then 'literal' - "I have been a bad boyfriend perhaps I could be a better husband" (sub-context to the max).

So, guess what [stop] [stop] [stop] in your head put on one of the female impressionist Aussie drawl (as opposed to no Aussie non-drawl) accents....
  
So? guess what? No 'Ansa'? No fuck'n answer? Nuthin...!'


(Well, we've been here before...) "I don't like slushy texts."

So. I try to make nice. Mr Jolly (that's me).
(Not in a deadly clown kinda way)

 Cups of Tea/ Nice dinners/Bathroom Cleaning\Early Birthday Present Buying

That last one really fucking confuses me: 

"Ooh! if you want to buy me an early birthday present - I want this" (show picture of telly)

[NoozeHound surreptitiously compares deal to ensure optimum value then sneaks out buys it and sets it up and puts it it  place while she's distracted.]

But wait, What is that about 

"...we hate each other? We will never get on? You reject every penny I have paid to service this relationship and demand instead retribution for every penny you have contributed? "

"Hey! No fair! I cry."

"Oh well. I was trying to be nice...Now things will get nasty..."

 * * *

Tonight, in my presence, she received her first booty call.

She went to a re-union  at the weekend. She complained of her friend getting chatted-up and snoring - they shared a room.

Tuesday evening she takes a call on her mobile. I am in the room. She smiles, alluringly (at the phone) - I remember it, if no longer feel it any more. She tries desperately to fight past me to take the call.

I act awkwardly.

"What's your problem?" She shouts boldly. Too boldly.

Thinking quickly I respond - "Your weird behaviour. That's my problem."

She plays the privacy card - GUILTY.

"You're standing over me looking at my laptop, listening to my phone calls."

 "No, I'm putting my clothes away."

*

It's obvious. She has met a young man at the party. Good luck with this.

But please...

I have asked you to divorce counselling.
I have asked you to marry me - pretty much.
I DO STILL LOVE YOU (this was before it was apparent she was on the prowl)

Now you take calls unscheduled, awkward calls from your new beau.

I was never jealous before; now my heart bleeds burning open wounds, bilging fire from their gaping wounds. Combusting steams from the merest inhalation of the classic machinery.


Rockstar my beloved. A fucking Rockstar.